Oceans! Please Rise! And Return Us From Whence We Came!

Aug 29  |  Boris Božena

My boss at the firm, one Roberto Peña, instructed me to go and fetch his cellular phone he had left at a local seafood restaurant several blocks away. He had phoned the seafood joint from his office to see if they had found it and they were holding it for me to come and pick up. Peña didn’t come off as being in desperate need for the device. He was in good spirits and seemed relieved that the thing wasn’t lost nor stolen. It also just so happened to be a wonderful spring day in Buenos Aires for a stroll, and so I eagerly accepted this simple task.

Upon returning, having greatly enjoyed my walk, and seeing as Peña was in such good spirits before I left, I figured I would have a nice joke with him. I burst through his door and grabbed his attention by stating “I’m quite sorry Mr.Peña but your cell phone took an unfortunate tumble into a boiling pot of canola oil at the seafood establishment before I could retrieve it!”.

This turned out to be a mistake. Peña was standing behind his desk, staring me dead in the eyes with the look of a madman. I quickly scrambled to conjure up thoughts of what could have possibly happened to cause such a sudden shift in Peña, cursing myself for such bad timing and perhaps setting him off. I had no time to rectify the situation before Peña angrily began swatting stacks of papers off his desk and stomping around like a constipated ape, spewing obscenities and insults so utterly despicable.. I refuse to apologize for not sharing them.

At one particularly bizarre point during this fit of mania; I slipped out of the room. It was around the time Peña’s disgusting remarks turned into unintelligible grunts and howling as he began throwing potted plants around the room, spraying everything with dirt.

I stood outside his office door in a state of fear, confusion and anger for being subjected to such barbarism. I walked home that evening solemnly, unable to enjoy the sunset. I listened to ‘Symphony in E-Flat Major’ by E.T.A. Hoffman and made myself some baked halibut to raise my spirits. Afterwards, I fetched a sledgehammer and smashed Peña’s phone into as many bits as possible, had myself a smoke, swept the debris off my patio and went to bed.

Write a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *