IM With My Future Husband
Mia: Hey, boo. Sorry, I’m late. Busy with college apps.
Andy: Actually, you’re just in time, hon.
Mia: Hon? You never called me that b4.
Andy: I do in the future, after we marry.
Mia: Haha!
Andy: Seriously, I’m writing you from 2025.
Mia: Bull.
Andy: If I’m lying, how would I know you have a birthmark under your left breast?
Mia: Perv! Have you been spying through my window?
Andy: Don’t believe me? Let me send you a pic.
Mia: If this is a setup to send me a dick pic, prom is off the table.
[AOL Notification: You’ve got mail.]
Andy: You there?
Mia: Is that us? You’re so…
Andy: Hot?
Mia: Old. But I aged well. You’re one lucky guy.
Andy: *eye roll* That’s our 20th wedding anniversary pic.
Mia: Why, actually, HOW are you writing me in 1995?
Andy: I discovered a way to code into the past. We’re going through a divorce, and I need your help.
Mia: That’s sad.
Andy: Divorce sucks.
Mia: No, it’s sad you’re a coder. What about your dream of being discovered on Star Search?
Andy: Show gets canceled. Listen, I don’t have a lot of time left on this chat. Is today the day of my promposal?
Mia: Yep.
Andy: Did you tell your parents about us?
Mia: Not yet.
Andy: You have to tell them.
Mia: You can pick me up at a friend’s house.
Andy: Sneaking out for prom is the root cause of our divorce.
Mia: Dad’s here, closing chat.
Mia: Back.
Andy: Did you tell him?
Mia: I really doubt lying about you has anything to do with your divorce.
Andy: OUR divorce. You see how you don’t take responsibility for your part of the problem. You’re impossible.
Mia: You’re pushy!
Andy: Sorry hon, I didn’t mean that.
Mia: Who is this!
Andy: ?
Mia: This is Mia’s father. Answer me now!
Andy: I’m Mia’s boyfriend, sir.
Andy: Hello?
Mia: Hi. I love you so much. I want to run away with you and have sex. How old are you?
Andy: ?
Mia: Gawd! Sorry. That was my dad. He’s reading over my shoulder. He wants you to come over. To make sure you’re really a boy from school.
Andy: Great. Knowing me, I can probably be there after dinner.
Mia: Dad’s gone. I explained everything. Except about you writing from the future. He’s more mad I didn’t tell him about you than me having a boyfriend.
Andy: You could be doing a lot worse than having a boyfriend. Like chatting with a man that’s 30 years older than you on AOL.
Mia: You don’t count as an old man. We’re married.
Andy: Future Mia texted me!
Mia: Texted? What’s that?
Andy: It’s like AOL chat, but on a smartphone. Damn, she’s still mad.
Mia: Smartphone?
Mia: Nevermind. Maybe instead of changing the past, you should just forgive future Mia for her mistakes. I doubt this is her only mistake. Are you planning to fix them all? Maybe you’re part of the problem?
Mia: Hello?
Mia: Andy?
Andy: Hey, babe. Did you like the promposal?
Mia: Future Andy?
Andy: Huh?
Mia: Forget it. Boo, I finally told my dad about us. He wants you to come over after dinner.
Andy: Awesome! I thought you’d chicken out.
Mia: Sorry, it took so long. You think you can forgive me?
Andy: Now that you mention it. It was irking me.
Mia: Are we good now then?
Andy: We’re good.