Everyone knows the fable of the tortoise and the hare, “steady and slow wins the race.” But do they? Why no mention of all the work the fox did other than a cameo appearance at the finish. How do I know? I was that fox. Once Aesop had the idea he wouldn’t let it let it go, told me to organize the whole thing. I told him he was crazy, there was no way the tortoise would win. He would have none of it, told me that the hare was vain and would be sure to lose. When I asked him how, he was vague and said his fables always worked out.

You have no idea how much work I put in and what little thanks I got. The coordinating committee met for months to plan a course that would avoid roads – the last thing we needed was hare roadkill to upset the punters. This meant negotiating with farmers to go cross country. They wanted payment for “disruption to their livestock” – as if a tortoise was capable of stampeding a herd of Jerseys.

Volunteers were needed to monitor the course, set up water stations and mile markers, first aid post, permits, insurance, port-a-johns – the list was endless. I was a wreck. Aesop kept stopping by to “see how things were going” and kept suggesting new additions – a beer tent at the start to get the crowd in a holiday mood, a merry-go-round for the nippers. I could tell he was getting nervous and beginning to doubt the wisdom of his idea.

At the last minute he asked for a banquet the night before to ensure the runners had plenty of carbs for the race. This was just about the last straw – the camel’s back was definitely sagging. It was then I had my idea. A local bookmaker was offering odds on the race; hare 5-2 favorite, tortoise 100-1. I placed a fiver on the tortoise and then had a word with the banquet manager to let him know the hare was very partial to chamomile with his sweet grass and to make sure he had plenty. I slipped him a generous tip make sure he didn’t forget. You know the rest of the story – hare fell asleep and couldn’t catch tortoise. I took a well earned month off in the South of France where I enjoyed a very fine Lievre a la Royale.