An Ode to the Bleeding Deacons

Jul 13  |  Elizabeth Jannuzzi

The old men are in the back of the room, rearranging the coffee pots. The women have gathered in small groups near the podium. There is a hum of beginnings in the air.

And here comes Emma, ripped jeans, Converse, Modest Mouse t-shirt, sneaking in the kitchen’s back door. Her puffy eyes remain fixed on the floor’s blue and white tiles.

She hesitates at the kitchen’s threshold when her shame hits the wall of exuberance emanating from the brightly lit room.

She glances at the women. They laugh and compliment each other’s outfits. They tilt their heads and smile and touch each other’s arms, and tap each other’s contacts into their cell phones.

No, thinks Emma. And she turns to leave.

But in her path is one of the bleeding deacons. The crotchety old men who complain about always making the coffee but who show up two hours before the meeting starts so they can be the ones to make it. They sit in the back of the room, scowling and complaining. They scoff when someone mentions drugs from the podium. “This is AA for God’s sake,” they say. They miss the days when newcomers were forced to clean ashtrays after the meeting.

The tall guy, whose blue polo fits too tightly around his protruding belly, blocks Emma’s exit. He holds an open pack of Oreos but doesn’t offer her one. To her right, a short, round man in a satin jacket sits in the corner and grunts, “Well, grab a seat.” Next to him is an ancient, wrinkly stick of a man who appears to be asleep.

These men don’t smile, they don’t ask for her cell phone number, they don’t even offer her a cup of coffee. Take it or leave it, they seem to say with a shrug.

So she takes it and slides into a folding chair in the back row. Eventually, she’ll move up to the front with the women. She’ll be one of those shiny, smiley people, chit-chatting in a group, asking newcomers for their numbers. But that’s weeks away.

Today, it’s the bleeding deacons that show her to her seat.

4 Comments
  1. Liz deBeer5 days ago

    This story, so relatable, just flies off the page.

  2. Vida6 days ago

    Wow. A beautiful story.

  3. Elizabeth Jannuzzi6 days ago

    Please subscribe to my Substack for more musings on recovery! https://elizabethjannuzzi.substack.com/

  4. Jennifer6 days ago

    Great images, great characters! Bleeding deacons…cranky but vital

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